The day I actually wrote a blog

Yes. I have done it. I’ve made the decision to write a blog. Be proud.
I sure am.
I wish I wrote blogs all the time-everyday.

In the beginning of the year I decided to write blogs more often… but even then I knew it was lie.

It’s not that I don’t want to write blogs, it’s that I have very little time. Homework, school, friends and, not to mention (despite the fact that I will given the chance), my very lovely/wonderful/best friend-in-the-whole-world-who-also-happens-to-be-my-boyfriend, take up the little time I have to spare at the end of the day. As well, Pinterest and staring at the ceiling have taken a lot of my time- even the time I don’t have to spare…

The thought of writing a blog gives me anxiety sometimes. I will call it ‘blogging induced anxiety disorder’, or BIAD. I feel I can make new disorders now because I am a psych student.

Of course, there is always something on my mind to share. However, instead of writing it down on the internet for the whole world to potentially see, I find myself telling people in person; whether it be an unsuspecting victim in the bathroom at the Library, or the cashier at Save-on-Foods, maybe even the Starbucks Barista. They know the intimate details of my life.
It’s not good.
Those people don’t necessarily need to know that I am so outraged at the fact that the place at the mall discontinued my former nose ring and now-because of my freak accident- I am stuck with a nose ring that is an odd color of gold and not my normal warm-golden hue I loved to much. But they do know. Because I told them. Instead of blogging to people who may or may not care but have that choice to decide if they wish to indulge in my mundane life… I have trapped unsuspecting victims into hearing of my tales . I won’t apologize for it though. It’s who I am. I over-share.

And now you, my faithful blog-following friends who have journeyed with me around the world and back. The ones who have been with me through the good, the bad,the terrible, and the hilarious moments that have formed my life into the one I have. Here is an update. I am 22 now. Everyday I have some sort of moment where I realize I am not 19 anymore and I have ridiculous responsibilities that force me to stay in one place. I can no longer wake up and decide “I’m going to travel for 6 months…”, now that thought is instantly interrupted by ‘Silly girl, traveling costs so much money and you can’t take that much time off school or you will never finish’.

Sad day.

I want to be a gypsy.
In the dream world I love to immerse my mind in,  I live on a beach and have my own garden and eat fruit and vegetables all day. I am very tanned.  My dream world allows me to go to Europe and Africa with just a bat of my eye and no money….
I am still learning that this world doesn’t exist.

What I am getting at is that I CANNOT stay in Red Deer for much longer without spreading my wings for a bit and seeing some of the world. I feel trapped and need to explore. Not a sit on the beach, eat/drink, all-inclusive kind of trip. I am talking about experiencing a culture so different from mine that I am left awe-struck at the beauty of this world. I know it’s out there… I just need to see it. To feel it. To taste it. To smell it and be overwhelmed by it.
I have lost my muchness and need to get it back …
My wanderlust is consuming me…

Every time I go to post on here… I have no idea where to start or what to say…..

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I have been terrible to you. Forgive me for neglecting you and writing half assed posts every couple months to make you feel better when you deserve weekly updates at least. You and I both know you deserve much better. So, for Christmas I will do my best to be more faithful to you. I am also going to make the same promise to our dear friend ‘Camera’ because you know how she can be sometimes… she does not like to be left out. I will start to carry Camera around more so I can better document my life for others. Likewise, I will write more to you about my days – regardless of how boring they seem or what people might think. You are mine and you are all I need. Who cares what they say – we belong together. For better or worse, through the good times and the bad. Sickness and health. Bad grammar and sassy posts that I immediately wish I could take back after posting…

So dear blog of mine. I am back. I will try to do better. Sorry for the way I have treated you in the past. I am a changed woman and hope to prove that to you.

Merry  Christmas Blog,

I love you.

I Want to be Alseep

I am having a really hard time keeping up with this lovely blog of mine…. between working 2 jobs, having a social life, and no internet for a couple weeks, you probably understand why I haven’t been so aggressive in my blogging.

So while the rest of the world is off watching Harry Potter I am laying in bed unable to sleep. Which makes absolutely no sense seeing as I am exhausted and want nothing more than to be in the middle of a deep sleep wandering around in dream world. Unfortunately, my brain refuses to find rest and is keeping me hostage in reality.

It is as if my mind refuses to shut off. There are so many things I want answers to right now, but I am being forced to wait. And if you were not aware, I am a very impatient person. I prefer to have everything figured out and talked out right away so as to not have any confusion. Which in general works quite well, but at this particular moment in time will not work and I am going to have to deal with it. Waiting feels like torture.

On the plus side, it gives me time to weigh the pros and cons. To figure out where exactly I stand in this particular situation as well as the right words to say when the time comes… if it comes…

I have a feeling this sounds mysterious.

It is.

For now.

But may be resolved.

Or it may not.

The exact reason I am not asleep.

Life Update!

I neglect this wonderful thing a lot.
Sorry.
Some people have been requesting an update on my life… so here goes….
I am about to switch up my job a little for the summer and run the day camps which i think will be really fun and a nice change. I haven’t worked with kids for a while now and am really looking forward to it. There is something about being around kids that really helps you feel more grounded. I admire theie brutal honesty and ability to spot insincerity all-the-while trusting you with everything they have. So although it will be exhausting, it will be a ton of fun and I get to be outside and go swimming everyday… how can that not be fun!? And I haven’t even begun to talk about the awesome people I will be working with every day! I am excited!
I am also…. drum roll please….. moving out! Woot! I am finally leaving the nest and moving in with one of my closest friends Shannon and 2 other lucky (or not lucky… depending on the way you look at it….) guys. As we like to put it, we have an respectable house in a respectable neighborhood. We also have a BBQ and a backyard… just in time for summer
And I don’t think I have ever mentioned Shannon… but she is honestly one of the most amazing people I have ever met and I am so blessed to have her in my life. I can’t wait for this new journey in life… and I know we are going to drive each other crazy, but I also know we are going to have a lot of fun and it will be a great experience.
What else… I love summer. I love being outside and I love the sun. Today when I went for a run I was thinking about life and how beautiful it really is. There is always so much in life that we can get caught up in and it is so important to be able to take a step back and look at where we were and how far we’ve come.
Over the past year so much has changed in my life, I have grown and learned so many lessons… some more than once, but I think I got it now… and I am excited for what ever else comes my way.
That’s about it for now. I will post some pics of the move and the house once the time comes… which is so soon and there is so much to do!
LOVE!!
XOXOXO

Kisses From The Sun

The shift in weather has put a bounce in every ones step and a golden glow is starting to make its way to the skin that dares to be exposed after another cold winter. I love summer. I love how it can change peoples attitudes and make us into generally nicer people. I love the energy that I have and the eagerness to start the day and go on adventures with my friends. And I love how it also signifies a newness.
I am turning 22 right away. Still not sure how I feel about it. Not that I have much choice in the matter but it’s an odd feeling – growing up. It’s an adventure and as my friend always says “Life is a Beautiful Struggle”
Some days seem impossible and getting out of a bed is the greatest achievement the day has in store, but somehow, summer makes us all a little stronger, a little bolder, and a little more wild.
I look forward to this summer and I hope you all enjoy it!

Top 10

Top 10 Things I am Looking Forward Too:

1 ) Seeing My Mom! (Less than a week!!)
2 ) Completing the 1st year of my degree
3 ) Summer Activities
4 ) Reaching my first goal weight ( 10 lbs away!!)
5 ) My Birthday
6 ) My classes next year at school
7 ) Traveling more
8 ) Fedora Fridays
9 ) Taking my camera out again
10 ) Going to Hot Yoga again

[Clearly I am once again avoiding my studies so I thought I would focus on things I am looking forward to once I am done these exams... I might do another Vlog soon, maybe tonight!]

YaLiLaLa

In one week, approx. I will be en route to see my momma. WEEEEE!!!! This is exciting news.
More exciting news is the fact that I am almost done my first year of university. WOOT WOOT!!!
This year has flown by! Classes are done and I am just studying for my exams. I only have 3 this term with makes life a little less stressful. All my papers are done and I feel like I actually learned a lot this year. Not so much in Psych, that will all start next term, but I learned how to write research papers with page length requirements and not 1500 words or less… but I learned how to write them without wanting to jump off a cliff or throw a computer, so I call that success.
I also learned the art of being a student again. It’s been so long and I forgot how much work it is!!! They don’t teach everything in the book, sometimes they don’t even use the text and you wonder why you spent $150.00 on it… but then ask questions from that book and you realize that maybe you should have cracked open that expensive stack of paper…
I also learned that everyone just wants a friend. For some reason I was worried I wouldn’t make any friends… but everyone is [generally] reeeaaally nice. Given, some of them think it’s weird if you don’t want to go out and party on a tuesday, because it’s tuesday… but still… it’s all good.
All in all, it was a stressful but well worth it experience and instead of dreading this next year coming up, I am excited and ready to get my hands dirty.

You couldn’t deny it, even if you tried with both hands. – the red queen

Today… I feel somewhat constrained.
Spring was dangled before us for such a short time and now has been ripped away and replaced with… snow.
…
I stayed home today. I feel a little melancholy, but I think that’s just cause there is no sunshine out today and I am studying. It is taking everything in me to maintain my concentration and focus on my school work. There is less than a month of classes.
And in true Brittany fashion, I want to just quit it all and move on to something more exiting. I want to find a room, cover all the walls in paper and just paint. Paint and pray and worship and draw and dance and knit and write and explore my mind and the heart of God. I don’t want to write a convincing paper on ‘How God can exist when there is so much evil in the world’ because I don’t know. I only know He is good and He is loving and He wants to show us that… but I don’t know how to convince a philosophy professor of that in 1500 words. I don’t want to study the ways to design an experiment. I don’t want to study anymore.
But…
I know God has called me to pursue this degree and these trivial steps I have to take that seem to have no relation to my study are going to help me in the long run. Even though I am stressed out and over tired, God is good. He is faithful. He will carry me through this and if I still feel like finding a room and filling it with the arts of my life… I can wait until this summer…

Your Love Never Fails

God is good.
So good.
His love never fails. Ever.
Even when I ran in the opposite direction of Him, seeking independence and proving that I can take care of myself better than He could. His never-ending love remained, waiting for me to realize I need Him more than I know.
And now that I know this, and have come crawling back to Him on my knees, His grace has covered me and I feel whole. I feel like myself again. I didn’t realize how far off track I went, but now that I am back in the knowledge of His love and power I never want to leave.
This afternoon, on my way home from church, my mind was racing with a million thoughts… but the one that stuck with me is that I am falling in love for the first time with God. In the past, I said I loved God, and I did, I do, but have I ever been ‘in love’ with Him? No. Not until now.
There are so many uncertainties and stresses in life. So many ways to get hurt and disappointed and confused. There are countless lies to get caught up in and promises that will be broken. People will betray us, but the love of God is never-ending. He is always faithful. He is good. He is love, so I find comfort in knowing that I am learning what it means to fall in love from Him – it’s creator. My creator. My God. My beloved.
Life is so beautiful and I am happy. Everyday is a completely new journey with new struggles and new discoveries. I am learning to take it one step at a time and falling in love with Him even more than I did the day before.