My Random Day…

woke up at 5:15 am
volunteered at the Central Alberta Womens Emergency Shelter Fashion Show
Became “Champagne Bottle Opener Extraordinaire”
Had Show completely cleaned up by 9:30
went home
saw the beautiful day- grabbed camera- headed out!
snow started raining down putting an end to my photographing
Felt defeated by natures unpredicted by the meteorologist massive snowfall
went to the Thrift store! [Value Village]
purchased book on “The Science of Emotion”
went to Starbies – got Tea
Found out the are discontinuing my favorite tea [sad day] – but got it freeeeeee b/c of my “connections”
decided to head to Red Deer College to talk to Admissions
Thought I wanted to take Psych … then she confused me
now I sit – thoroughly confused and not knowing what I want to do with my life.
…waiting…waiting…waiting… for my phone to ring with the call I have been expecting all day.

some people are blessed with too much time to waste on pointless things.

Where I am: My House
What I’m Doing: Nothing…
What I’m listening to: MuchMusicTop10 [10.T.Swift(15)9.B.Spears(3)8.Ke$ha(TiKToK)7.Cascada(Evacuatethedancefloor)]
I can smell: The Oatmeal Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins I made for my G-pa
I want: The Energy to do something
I really don’t like: That Chocolate is considered “Junk Food” how can something so good be bad???
I wish I had: Kettlebells today…
I would drop everything right now to: …I don’t even have anything to drop…haha
I am looking forward to: having something to do one day
I wish: I was going to Hawaii with Tina next week…
I want to be [today]:  in Vancouver

Where to begin?

I have been extremely challenged lately by so many things God has been putting on my mind. Which is so good and I am so thankful that I am going through these thoughts and examining my heart and my Faith so intensely. But it has some downsides as well because I realize how far I am from where I would like to be.

One of the many things burning in the back of my mind is a challenge towards the end of the book ‘Crazy Love’ by Francis Chan. In this he describes how his mother-in-law has this captivating and intimate relationship with the Lord. He goes on about how she can’t wait to wake up and spend time reading His word, or hours on her face worshiping Him, or even the comfort of kneeling beside her bed in earnest prayer. As I was reading this I realized to myself that I am so far from that. How many times do I go through a day and give God [the Creator and King of this entire universe!!!!] the last usually incomprehensible words from my mouth before I escape to dream world? And when I pray before a meal, how many times do I rush through throwing Him a ‘thanks for the food…. please help the calories not stick to me like glue…’? How many times to I prefer to do things I want to do and feel I am entitled to, rather than spending that time with the only Father I have ever known? How many times do I take for granted the countless blessings He repeatedly hands me, though we both know I have done nothing to really deserve it. Why am I one of those people that knows all those beautifully and perfectly formed phrases to make me sound so spiritual when in reality I understand so little of it?

And it’s not like I am choosing to walk away from the Faith that has become a part of who I am and reveals to me the person I aim to be… it’s just that I am so tired of getting so close to realize I have had it wrong all along. I feel this urgency deep inside of me to get to know the heart of God. To accept this thing we know as Grace. To fall in love with God. To.fall.in.love.with.God.

I don’t even know what that means. Really. I have met Him. I declare myself as one of His. I have given Him my life. I run into His arms like a child-I have also run the other direction. But this whole “Falling in Love” with Him has really got me thinking… as well as a little freaked out. I have never been ‘in love’. I have been… ‘In Lust’ and ‘Infatuated’ but never ‘in love’ and I know that I would so much rather Fall In Love with God to learn what love really is,what defines beauty through His eyes, how to be the person He created me to be, before I actually do meet my Prince Charming.

So I have challenged myself and petitioned God to help me to Fall in Love with Him. To help me not get distracted… to run this race to get that prize… to walk out what Love is… to become that woman in Proverbs 31… to develop the strength of Esther… the dedication of Ruth… and so on.

So what I want to do, is to challenge you to seek after God with intensity. To fall madly in love with Him. To accept this grace He gives us and continue on this wild adventure of Life and like it says in John 10:10 – life to the full. To do so much more than merely exist, or get to heaven but only as one escaping the flames [1 Cor 3:15]… to get to Heaven and stand before God… to see displayed before you the definition of ‘Holiness’ to hear those beautiful words “Well done my good and faithful servant” spoken to you and see the One you LOVE with all your heart, the One you have waited so long to see. It is so beautiful. It overwhelming really to think about all of this. I know without a doubt that I need more of God in my life, and I am going to find Him and figure out as much of this as I possibly can while I am here on Earth. I need to Fall in Love with God because things aren’t working out the way I want them to with the way I am living my life.  The crazy part in this though, is that we need God to help us fall in love with Him… because we can’t actually do it on our own. He has really thought this whole thing out.

the day has finally come!!!

 

Not only is this song off of John Mayers  new CD that I have waited sooooooo long for!!!! Taylor Swift sings this song with him… can it get any better??? I will let you know once I find out.

I lack inspiration.
I am cold.
I reeeeaaaaallllly need a job.
My room is an absolute disaster.
I want to go to Greece.
John Mayer’s new album comes out on Tuesday.
I get to see my mom a month.
I start Kettlebells on Saturday [ youtube it... wikipedia it...]
I could probably write a blog about Kettlebells… i am sure i will.
I feel old.
I am only 20.
Gavin turned 1.
He can walk now – when he wants to.
I want to go to a movie.
We are decorating the tree today…
the.
end.

Don’t worry, I hate long pointless blogs too!!

Since I figure you guys want to know about everything going on in my life, I guess it is only fair to tell you about the cleanse that once upon a time i said i was going to do and never did… and am currently half of the way through. proud of me?? i thought so!

And this cleanse dear friends, is not one for the faint of heart. It requires dedication, creativity, and developing the ability to ignore the calling of ones name from the chocolate bar that is in the bottom drawer, left hand side of ones nightstand. And I am happy to say, that I am doing well. This Cleanse is called something like “Wild Rose Herbal Detox” and is rep’n Alberta fo sho! It contains these nasty tasting vitamins/herbal things… as well as these drops that taste like a lot of herbs all mixed together and then brewed inside the earth to get that “dirt” like taste. I definitely gagged the first few times I had to ingest these healthy things… but it’s not so bad now. The “diet” is pretty strict…in western american standards, but not unlike what many people are completely used to all over the world… just not north america.

There is no Dairy… Sugar… Yeast/Bready-type things… “Tropical” Fruits… Vinegar… American Condiments… and basically anything else you would choose to eat. I can thankfully eat eggs and meat and then lots of veggies and certain fruits and whole grains. And Fish… i would have to die if I could not have fish.

But what I am learning is how to use different spices and not so common veggies to make things taste good. It is getting better and more tasty as I go. I have been doing the diet for a couple weeks now because i had to keep putting off the supplements because I was either to freaked out about the tablets in the jar labeled “Laxa-Herb” [who isn't freaked out by that???] or because I got pretty sick there for a bit. But… I have jumped on the Herbal band-wagon and we are off! Eating out is pretty much out of the question for now, because it’s to complicated and people get annoyed, but it is pretty good and I can see myself sticking somewhat to this after I am done. i am amazed, as always to how much sugar is in everything! And how much our bodies can be affected/effected???? by it all. I always knew it, but the first few days were ridiculous. [Confession: I did go to Banff today, and bought a caramel apple {I LOVE THEM!} to eat when I am done... i am sure i will get sick from this] I am almost done though.  And I don’t like rice cakes. at all . And there are certain Healthy un-pronounceable things that should never be eaten out there… and we all just need to watch out for those!

I have eaten a lot of apples though. and Almonds… when i get hungry and don’t know what to eat because everything takes so much effort and I am tired… then those are what I end up going to, and then i forget I am hungry or get distracted.. and move on to other more exciting things than eating… like watching LOST or human interaction.

I do miss wine though. And I have odd cravings for pancakes now and then…

But I made a really good greek meal the other night for my family and they loved it and i was proud of myself. i love greek food. I should’ve been born in Greece. Me and my mother both know how things should have worked out.

anyways…. i think i have written enough useless information about my cleanse and food to bore you.

hope you’re having a good day!

 

 

sometimes I am not productive

Where I am: “Shred Deer”
What I’m Doing: pondering the fact that I should probably start my days before noon…
What I’m listening to: Noah and the Whale
I can smell: Princess- Vera Wang [perfume]
I want: to not have to work- ever
I really don’t like: that you have to work to get money…
I wish I had: a money tree!
I would drop everything right now to: be a millionaire ... kajillionaire… it wouldn’t run out that way.
I am looking forward to: retirement
I wish: that counterfeit money was not illegal
I want to be [today]:  on Ellen…. she is having “Dough-vember” … she is giving people money…

While I Was Sleeping

All throughout my walk with God I have learned that He speaks to us in different ways. Some people are so blessed to hear His voice so clearly and know what to do with it, others can hear Him through nature and other aspects of the natural world, and others hear Him through dreams. There are so many other ways God speaks to us, the key is to make sure we are listening, learning to decipher when God is speaking to us, or when our own mind and thoughts bombard our ability to hear. So many times in my life I have been given dreams that I know are not just normal dreams that have no meaning, but ones where God is speaking to me and trying to open my eyes to something. It has been such a long time though since I have had a dream, I had somewhat forgot about them.

But last night I had one. Usually I just journal them and then study them and try and figure out what it meant or take it to someone who would know and pray through it with me, but this time it was pretty clear and I want to share it on here. I know that God is a loving and personal God and speaks to us all the time -  we just don’t listen, or know how to recognize His voice. His desire is for us to become captivatingly in love with Him, to seek Him, find Him, and build a relationship with Him. It sounds so beautiful and it is so beautiful, but like so many christians, there are times in life where everything seems a little confusing and we have to “re-figure” things out.

Since I got back from DTS, I have been going through some things and also having a hard time grasping [as always] God’s grace and forgiveness for us. How God is so BIG so VAST, so HOLY, and here we are, basically a little speck of dust in this HUGE universe… we are so small. There have been countless people in this world before us, and there will be after us. How does a God who created the entire universe know anything about me? Can He really hear my prayers? Does He really know the desires of my heart? Does He really have a plan? I know that the answer to all these questions is YES! He does love me. I know He does. He didn’t have to create any of us, He chose to. He knew that when we exercised our own free will and chose our own desires instead what God had for us, that the only way we could be redeemed would be for Him to send His only Son, to live this perfect life, to show us how to live and show us what LOVE really looks life, and then die a brutal and unimaginably  painful death on a cross next to criminals. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know Jesus did not deserve death on a cross. But He did it, and He did that for us, knowing it was going to be so painful, He did it anyways.

I have a hard time grasping all of that.

But my dream went like this:

I was with this huge group of people, I knew all of them, and we were all walking down a busy, crowded city street. It started to play out like a movie, and I [the dreamer] was watching it all unfold. This huge group of people continued to walk down the street until they came to a stop light. Then this song started playing [in a Hillsong/United kind of way], the song repeated “For All Have Sinned, All Have Sinned, And Fallen Short of The Glory of God” and it kept on with that… I wish I could sing it for you so you can picture it… Then the camera pulled away from the street and up. Up. Up. Up. So high that it was a picture of how our Earth looks inside to Milky Way Galaxy… like a speck of dust – if that at all. Earth is tiny, and we are smaller than the earth…

Then the picture came back to us at the light, waiting and talking… the song still singing… and the camera pulled away and went just above Earth… focused on the North America part… the song kept singing and I felt overwhelmed with how small I am, and how big I make my problems seem. The song kept playing and repeating how we all sin, we all fall short of the glory of God, and it was back on the street showing me… and for some reason there was this rail along the sidewalk, and I was getting pushed into it. I didn’t want to fall off the sidewalk and into traffic so I stuck the toe of my boot under the rail to steady myself. Then the camera pulled away and brought into focus the city and I could sort of see where we were from above. This song was getting louder and louder and building up to a climax, when it yelled Grace, the traffick light light up the little “walk” guy, and another light lit up saying ” DONE” Everyone around me started walking, they continued on this beautiful journey of redemption and growing closer to God. Forgetting all the bad things in our past and holding onto the amazing future we have in God… but my boots were stuck and I couldn’t move – couldn’t get enough space from the crowded street to get myself unstuck… after a bit, my feet came free and I was able to walk. Then I woke up. There are so many more things I could right about this… but it is getting dreadfully long, and I dislike long blogs… so I will leave it here and let you interpret what it could mean to you. or just let you think about it. God is real. He loves us. He is big… but He takes interest in us, He delights in us. He doesn’t hold it against us when we mess up, Jesus paid the price for our sin, for the times we make a mess of our lives… and all we have to do is ask.. and He extends Grace

OH Lamentable Day!

I feel  a little distraught. I have lost faith in man-kind.

Today, Thursday, October 29, 2009 will forever be known as the day my cookies sucked. This is how the travesty began… I went shopping with my gramma and she told me my grandpa had been craving my [ridiculously good] Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Coconut Cookies {OCCCC], then I got really excited because I felt like this would give my day some purpose and I could make my grandpa happy. But alas, I could not find my recipe. Last year I hit the jack pot and found the best Oatmeal Choco Chip Cookies known to man-kind. I added Coconut and Voila! They were pretty darn good.  I may  or may not have let that get to my head a little, but at least I had found a recipe I could stick with for the rest of my life. I am not making any of this up, these cookies were really good. I baked them for my family, my friend and her husband, and my co-workers and anyone else I could think of! They liked them. No, they LOVED them. I was contemplating becoming a baker – I had found my calling. Maybe not… but still,  maybe.

So, today my hopes were high. I was excited. I called my mom and asked her if maybe she had packed my recipe and took it with her when she moved, but she said she did not find it when she went through her recipe box. Then I searched my Gramma’s recipe box and found nothing. My recipe has disappeared. I am not surprised though, maybe someone stole it and is now trying to make money off it. I don’t know these things. I am just the victim.

I searched the internet for another recipe. The only thing I could remember was that my recipe had water in it. This rules out about 1/2 of the recipes out there.  Then, it happened, I found a recipe that looked good. She even said it was “The Best” and her family and the neighborhood kids loved them. I trusted her. This was quite a statement to be making about cookies. I will tell you right now, she lied. These are THE worst cookies I have ever layed eyes on. They are A) Flat [not fluffy and golden brown] B) Hard [mine are soft and chewy - but not too chewy] C) a disaster  [mine are a delicious work of culinary art].

They were a flop. And I should have known as I read the recipe and saw 2 spelling mistakes that this was not going to turn out the way I planned.  At first I was taken aback. Why did my cookies not work? Where did I go wrong? Did I copy something down wrong? Then it dawned on me, this woman [whoever she is] LIED. She was wrong. This was not the best recipe, this was the worst. I think the people that like her cookies may just be humoring her, because they are not good. They are not terrible. After going from my cookies to these… it was like moving from a Mansion overlooking a beautiful Lake and Mountains – to a shack in the middle of no where with an outhouse and cockroaches. Call me dramatic, but I am in shock. If I had a show on The Food Network, I probably would have made a scene in the kitchen and threw everything in the garbage [cookie sheets included]. I most likely would have thrown other things and then stormed out in a fit of rage. But, my Gramma, in all her baking wisdom helped me salvage what we could, and we were able to save at least half of the cookies by adding a bit of flour. They still are not the best and I will NEVER in my whole life use that recipe again, but at least they didn’t taste that bad. And my grandpa is easy to please, so I know he will eat them. I am still upset about this whole fiasco, and it will most likely take me some time to recover.

I only watch TV in 1080p Full HD now…

Where I am: Georgia
What I’m Doing: watching TV
What I’m listening to: sensory overload… there is a lot going on right now.
I can smell: don’t wanna talk about it… boys are yucky
I want: a new point & shoot camera
I really don’t like: rudeness
I wish I had: a personal jet?!
I would drop everything right now to: be with Stacy for her bday!
I am looking forward to: The Christmas Craft Show this weekend with Ashton
I wish: planes weren’t so gross
I want to be [today]:  a Cake Decorator or a Florist, I can’t decide so… BOTH!