sometimes I am not productive

Where I am: “Shred Deer”
What I’m Doing: pondering the fact that I should probably start my days before noon…
What I’m listening to: Noah and the Whale
I can smell: Princess- Vera Wang [perfume]
I want: to not have to work- ever
I really don’t like: that you have to work to get money…
I wish I had: a money tree!
I would drop everything right now to: be a millionaire ... kajillionaire… it wouldn’t run out that way.
I am looking forward to: retirement
I wish: that counterfeit money was not illegal
I want to be [today]:  on Ellen…. she is having “Dough-vember” … she is giving people money…

While I Was Sleeping

All throughout my walk with God I have learned that He speaks to us in different ways. Some people are so blessed to hear His voice so clearly and know what to do with it, others can hear Him through nature and other aspects of the natural world, and others hear Him through dreams. There are so many other ways God speaks to us, the key is to make sure we are listening, learning to decipher when God is speaking to us, or when our own mind and thoughts bombard our ability to hear. So many times in my life I have been given dreams that I know are not just normal dreams that have no meaning, but ones where God is speaking to me and trying to open my eyes to something. It has been such a long time though since I have had a dream, I had somewhat forgot about them.

But last night I had one. Usually I just journal them and then study them and try and figure out what it meant or take it to someone who would know and pray through it with me, but this time it was pretty clear and I want to share it on here. I know that God is a loving and personal God and speaks to us all the time -  we just don’t listen, or know how to recognize His voice. His desire is for us to become captivatingly in love with Him, to seek Him, find Him, and build a relationship with Him. It sounds so beautiful and it is so beautiful, but like so many christians, there are times in life where everything seems a little confusing and we have to “re-figure” things out.

Since I got back from DTS, I have been going through some things and also having a hard time grasping [as always] God’s grace and forgiveness for us. How God is so BIG so VAST, so HOLY, and here we are, basically a little speck of dust in this HUGE universe… we are so small. There have been countless people in this world before us, and there will be after us. How does a God who created the entire universe know anything about me? Can He really hear my prayers? Does He really know the desires of my heart? Does He really have a plan? I know that the answer to all these questions is YES! He does love me. I know He does. He didn’t have to create any of us, He chose to. He knew that when we exercised our own free will and chose our own desires instead what God had for us, that the only way we could be redeemed would be for Him to send His only Son, to live this perfect life, to show us how to live and show us what LOVE really looks life, and then die a brutal and unimaginably  painful death on a cross next to criminals. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know Jesus did not deserve death on a cross. But He did it, and He did that for us, knowing it was going to be so painful, He did it anyways.

I have a hard time grasping all of that.

But my dream went like this:

I was with this huge group of people, I knew all of them, and we were all walking down a busy, crowded city street. It started to play out like a movie, and I [the dreamer] was watching it all unfold. This huge group of people continued to walk down the street until they came to a stop light. Then this song started playing [in a Hillsong/United kind of way], the song repeated “For All Have Sinned, All Have Sinned, And Fallen Short of The Glory of God” and it kept on with that… I wish I could sing it for you so you can picture it… Then the camera pulled away from the street and up. Up. Up. Up. So high that it was a picture of how our Earth looks inside to Milky Way Galaxy… like a speck of dust – if that at all. Earth is tiny, and we are smaller than the earth…

Then the picture came back to us at the light, waiting and talking… the song still singing… and the camera pulled away and went just above Earth… focused on the North America part… the song kept singing and I felt overwhelmed with how small I am, and how big I make my problems seem. The song kept playing and repeating how we all sin, we all fall short of the glory of God, and it was back on the street showing me… and for some reason there was this rail along the sidewalk, and I was getting pushed into it. I didn’t want to fall off the sidewalk and into traffic so I stuck the toe of my boot under the rail to steady myself. Then the camera pulled away and brought into focus the city and I could sort of see where we were from above. This song was getting louder and louder and building up to a climax, when it yelled Grace, the traffick light light up the little “walk” guy, and another light lit up saying ” DONE” Everyone around me started walking, they continued on this beautiful journey of redemption and growing closer to God. Forgetting all the bad things in our past and holding onto the amazing future we have in God… but my boots were stuck and I couldn’t move – couldn’t get enough space from the crowded street to get myself unstuck… after a bit, my feet came free and I was able to walk. Then I woke up. There are so many more things I could right about this… but it is getting dreadfully long, and I dislike long blogs… so I will leave it here and let you interpret what it could mean to you. or just let you think about it. God is real. He loves us. He is big… but He takes interest in us, He delights in us. He doesn’t hold it against us when we mess up, Jesus paid the price for our sin, for the times we make a mess of our lives… and all we have to do is ask.. and He extends Grace

OH Lamentable Day!

I feel  a little distraught. I have lost faith in man-kind.

Today, Thursday, October 29, 2009 will forever be known as the day my cookies sucked. This is how the travesty began… I went shopping with my gramma and she told me my grandpa had been craving my [ridiculously good] Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Coconut Cookies {OCCCC], then I got really excited because I felt like this would give my day some purpose and I could make my grandpa happy. But alas, I could not find my recipe. Last year I hit the jack pot and found the best Oatmeal Choco Chip Cookies known to man-kind. I added Coconut and Voila! They were pretty darn good.  I may  or may not have let that get to my head a little, but at least I had found a recipe I could stick with for the rest of my life. I am not making any of this up, these cookies were really good. I baked them for my family, my friend and her husband, and my co-workers and anyone else I could think of! They liked them. No, they LOVED them. I was contemplating becoming a baker – I had found my calling. Maybe not… but still,  maybe.

So, today my hopes were high. I was excited. I called my mom and asked her if maybe she had packed my recipe and took it with her when she moved, but she said she did not find it when she went through her recipe box. Then I searched my Gramma’s recipe box and found nothing. My recipe has disappeared. I am not surprised though, maybe someone stole it and is now trying to make money off it. I don’t know these things. I am just the victim.

I searched the internet for another recipe. The only thing I could remember was that my recipe had water in it. This rules out about 1/2 of the recipes out there.  Then, it happened, I found a recipe that looked good. She even said it was “The Best” and her family and the neighborhood kids loved them. I trusted her. This was quite a statement to be making about cookies. I will tell you right now, she lied. These are THE worst cookies I have ever layed eyes on. They are A) Flat [not fluffy and golden brown] B) Hard [mine are soft and chewy - but not too chewy] C) a disaster  [mine are a delicious work of culinary art].

They were a flop. And I should have known as I read the recipe and saw 2 spelling mistakes that this was not going to turn out the way I planned.  At first I was taken aback. Why did my cookies not work? Where did I go wrong? Did I copy something down wrong? Then it dawned on me, this woman [whoever she is] LIED. She was wrong. This was not the best recipe, this was the worst. I think the people that like her cookies may just be humoring her, because they are not good. They are not terrible. After going from my cookies to these… it was like moving from a Mansion overlooking a beautiful Lake and Mountains – to a shack in the middle of no where with an outhouse and cockroaches. Call me dramatic, but I am in shock. If I had a show on The Food Network, I probably would have made a scene in the kitchen and threw everything in the garbage [cookie sheets included]. I most likely would have thrown other things and then stormed out in a fit of rage. But, my Gramma, in all her baking wisdom helped me salvage what we could, and we were able to save at least half of the cookies by adding a bit of flour. They still are not the best and I will NEVER in my whole life use that recipe again, but at least they didn’t taste that bad. And my grandpa is easy to please, so I know he will eat them. I am still upset about this whole fiasco, and it will most likely take me some time to recover.

I only watch TV in 1080p Full HD now…

Where I am: Georgia
What I’m Doing: watching TV
What I’m listening to: sensory overload… there is a lot going on right now.
I can smell: don’t wanna talk about it… boys are yucky
I want: a new point & shoot camera
I really don’t like: rudeness
I wish I had: a personal jet?!
I would drop everything right now to: be with Stacy for her bday!
I am looking forward to: The Christmas Craft Show this weekend with Ashton
I wish: planes weren’t so gross
I want to be [today]:  a Cake Decorator or a Florist, I can’t decide so… BOTH!

Stay Beautiful

Close your eyes. Take a minute and inhale deeply 5 times [I am serious] . Think about the things you are thankful for and relax. I want to paint you a picture.

It is a perfect fall day. The sun is singing, its words are hugging your body and warming you up to just the right temperature. There are birds telling you their story as the crickets chirp along. Life is good. You are wearing your favorite pair of jeans, the ones that should have been retired long long ago, but you just cannot seem to let them go. With the weather as it is, you only need a light tee and maybe a sweater [just in case]. You might even choose to wear flip flops as you know it will be one of the last times. Taking in a deep breath your senses fill with the smells of fall. The earth is releasing a pleasant aroma that can be found only during these colorful months, and in the distance, a neighbor is burning off the collection from the last yard clean up. It is beautiful. You climb into your car and roll down the windows, letting fall, in all its glory continue its voyage to fill everything that surrounds you.

As you drive down the freeway you pass open pastures with cattle feasting on lush green grass, bales of hay placed strategically in the feild, and houses adorned with wreaths and pumpkins in celabratory fashion for the upcoming holidays. The trees are beginning to change costume with bright reds and oranges creeping their way down from the top. Fall is here, and it is breath taking. God has orchestrated another symphony of color that is so esthetically pleasing, not even an artist could capture this.

 No painter, photographer or writer can recreate this beauty. It is Gods very own masterpiece designed for us to enjoy and marvel at, but how many actually see? How many take the time to stop and take in this incredible beauty. How many thank Him for the gift of beauty, and the ability to see it, capture it and carry it with us? How many of us are wandering through life, rushing through everyday, cramming it full of trivial things that will release little to no gain. Take a second, take 2 or even a minute. Look at the beauty around you, acknowledge it and be thankful that you are here to enjoy it. You were created to live your life, to do so much more than just exist. Take pleasure in the little things, we are blessed with a short time here, so live every minute of it. Embrace life, and fall in love with the creator of beauty. He has done all of this for you- He has made it possible for you to enjoy it – use all 5 senses to their fullest, because no one is ever sure what tomorrow holds. Take that chance you are contemplating. Be crazy. Stop caring what others think of you. Laugh more than cry, but when those hard times come – let the tears flow. Stay Beautiful and greet each morning with gratitude – you have been given another day. Your life is a chance to live out love - to become an imitator of God, the mastermind behind this ridiculous thing we call life. To steal a line from Mr.Magorium, Life is an occasion, rise to it. Lets not waste time, deal?

Durrrty Sauth

I didn’t bring my babymac with me on this journey and I would like to take a moment and say…baby… i miss you! For many reasons of course, but at this moment, there are pictures on my memory card that I would like to post. But I can’t.

I haven’t done a whole lot here, but that’s A-Okay with me. It is so nice to be with my mom. Cause I have missed her and her feisty self a whole lot more than I thought I did. She is getting settled into her new house and I am so happy for her to finally be getting everything she has waited so long for. Like….A brand new house, washer and dryer [that are so cool - think front load... but on the top!], fridge that crushes or cubes your ice as well as makes this annoying sound if you leave the freezer open… and new stove… yadda yadda… you get the point. Everything is new for her and I am happy!

Things I have noticed here are: people are nice … really nice, it’s weird. They know nothing about Canada though. We have to study them in school and hear about them on our news… but they think we live in igloos somewhere in the bush…

There are buffets E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.

Southern Accents are more of a challenge than I thought they would be, but in my defense they speak a completely different language. For instance,  they use words like “carry” - which means to take with you, “covered-up” means – somewhere is busy, “Laid Out” means you were sick and had to stay home from work, and “young’ns”  replaces kids… and “reckon”  is used far to often. But they are kind and their accents make life taste sweeter[Many of them are missing teeth and I don't think mullets ever went out of style here].

It is lush and green here and every county you go to has an abundance of Antique Shops… which to me = bliss. There are tons of old buildings and the kinds of houses you see in old football movies with the wrap around porches and rocking chairs. My favorite place would have to be Athens, which is a University Town… and home to the Georgia Bulldogs [They aren't playing any home games while I am here... but one day... I will go to a real football game - even if I don't understand any of it.]. These people are proud of where they are from and are not afraid to voice it.

This is a fun place to visit and I look forward to the many trips I will be taking to come down here and see my mom. I am definitley more a City girl, but it is nice to come here and slow down for a bit, relax and make some friends… hopefully educate the people of Georgia on what Canada is like and why I don’t know their friend in Toronto.

rain.rain.rain.rain. black widow???

Where I am: Winder, Georgia
What I’m Doing: digesting brekie
What I’m listening to: southern accents…and my mom tell her husband she would love to see him drunk.
I can smell: air
I want: sleep
I really don’t like: that my tummy hurts
I wish I had: tums
I would drop everything right now to: that seems like a pretty intense question at this moment in life
I am looking forward to: going to a movie
I wish: my mom wasn’t to scared to drive into the city
I want to be [today]: a shark. rawr.

today…

Where I am: somewhere you are not
What I’m Doing: packing
What I’m listening to: Don’t Trust Myself [with loving you] – John Mayer
I can smell: My moisturizer – Brown Sugar and Fig
I want: to leave right now to see my mom
I really don’t like: Weight Restrictions on luggage
I wish I had: $$$$
I would drop everything right now to: go to Europe and backpack for a bit…
I am looking forward to: the next 2 weeks
I wish: … i wish
I want to be [today]: able to speak francias

knock, knock [beat em down]

Where I am: in my [clean] my room
What I’m Doing: finally unpacking from Panama
What I’m listening to: Snow Patrol – Set fire to the Third Bar
I can smell: burnt toast… jk…. Scope… just freshened my breath
I want: an iphone … I’ve gone to the other side…
I really don’t like: dust
I wish I had: someone to unpack for me
I would drop everything right now to: see my Ohana
I am looking forward to: seeing my mom!!
I wish: I could develop a normal sleep pattern again.
I want to be [today]: a hip hop dancer [Step Up style.... I know it's my destiny! haha]

me and my very best friend/mother

<– that’s me and my mum.