Got nothing to lose – no reason to hide.

Well… it is so odd to think that in 4 days I will once again pack all my things and head out on a plane to visit somewhere I have never been. I have been in Panama for 2 1/2 months and it has been an experience I will never forget. Ever. There have been so many ups and downs, but it seems like every time I got sick of being here or wanted to quit this and forget it, God was faithful in bringing encouragement and refreshment. My team has taken on the challenge of not only working in and around the city with different childrens organizations and also at Health Clinics where prostitutes go to get checked but also visiting LOTS of churches speaking and sharing the heart of Voice for the Voiceless as well as how God has been working in our hearts. God has definitely worked deeply in my heart while I have been here. I have grown a lot and I know I have matured in my faith. There have been times where I definitely did not want to speak in another church or go to a clinic or into the city, but it has been the times that I really didn’t want to do these things that God has really blessed in abundance.

On Friday night Cale, Rachel, and I were invited to speak for a bit at a church about Voice for the Voiceless. We were asked to come back the following night and speak to the youth… the thing is though… saturday was our day off. Me and Cale ended up going anyways and it was so good. It was the first time that I actually had nothing planned to say, but just prayed for God to speak through me. And that He did! I ended up speaking for about 45 minutes and the group was so receptive. I was so blessed because I God reassured me that I was in the right spot… that there were people in that group He wanted me to meet and speak to. Relationships were built and we were all blessed. I had fun meeting them and trying to speak to them through…’ spanglish’ where we both through out as many words we know in the other language and use a lot of hand motions. It was so fun and I am continually seeing the goodness of God. This has actually been a lot better than I thought it was. And now that I am down the ‘last days’ I am seeing how fruitful and productive this time was. I had no idea 3 months ago I would be here and I am so glad God brought me here. And I pray that maybe I will get to come back. Panama is beautiful and everyone should come here.

I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws.

PSALM 119:30

photos

This is Bebe. She is 4 years old. 5 and 6 as well…depending on when she is asked or who is asking. She has the biggest smile and a contagious laugh. She loves to be held, twirled, danced with and sung to.

She is absolutely beautiful.

We has agreed on a ‘normal’ smile… she tricked me.What good is a ‘normal’ smile when you can just have fun?

I didn’t see my camera for a while after this…

I don’t even think he was taking pictures… he just liked how it looked.

Playing with Christopher. He is 4. Full of attitude and spunk… loves to be held… won’t let you put him down. Called me ‘Momma’

Leila is 8. She likes to play tag and run around… she is full of spunk. I pray she never loses her joy.

Love in Action.

The only thing that counts is Faith expressing itself through LOVE. {galations 5:6b}

This City is full of Beauty, Passion, History, and Pain. Everywhere you go you can find this and so much more. I have been so blessed to get to know this City and it’s beautiful people each carrying the fingerprint of the Creator. Panama, I wish I could have done more. You are in my prayers and you will see freedom. Open your eyes to what is going on around you. Take care of your women and children – they deserve so much better. I know you can do this. We stand behind you and will rejoice in your victory.

This makes me smile every time.

OUT -> REACH

O – Oh…really? Uh…Ok…
sure…ummm…ya… I am sure
this   will be fine.
U – ugh!!!
T – This is not what I signed up
for!!!?!?!
R – Really!?!?!?
E – Everyone has gone through this
at one time or another.
A – Ahhhhh!!!!!
C – Can you speak at the church we
got invited to??? Great… it starts
in 15 minutes and we have the
whole service.
H – Home becomes wherever your
stuff happens to be at that time.

Perspective.

Things have been a little “up-and-down” lately, for me and the team as well. I don’t know what exactly is going on or even why, but all I do know is this : God is Sovereign.

If I am going to be completely honest here, I will tell you that this is one of the driest times spiritually in my life. I feel like I have become so far removed from God and have lost a lot of the passion that fueled me back in Kona. I knew this was going to happen, but I had high hopes that maybe it wouldn’t. We as a the “Twelve Hearts” team read through James the other day. Part of the assignment was to also write a letter to God about how we are feeling and what is going on, and to also take the time to see if He has anything to say back to us. I have yet to write a letter, but I did read through James – although it took me an extra day.  One of the things that stood out to me, and I have been hearing a lot lately in different forms is at the very beginning of James, Where we are told to consider it pure JOY when we face trials of may kinds, because we know that the testing of our faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I am one of those people that does not find JOY in going through hard times. I would rather complain and have a pity party and call out to God asking why He doesn’t love me – or something else equally as immature. But when I read this verse and actually let God speak to me through it and reveal to me what it was saying, I saw the truth and the promise that this passage is clothed in. I want to be a mature and wise Christian who is solid in my faith and able to face any storm with a smile on my face because my God is a God of love and most importantly, my Father who will protect me. These times I am going through now are not fun, but I know that I am only seeing such a small part of the big picture. Like when you look through a macro lens. you can see so clearly what is right in front of you… but you are missing everything else that is around you {cheasy camera analagy). I may not know for a while all that God has been doing behind the scenes in my life, but I will hold on to the truth that He has a divine plan and is doing something so much bigger than I can see or even imagine. God is good. He really is. I forget that sometimes… as sad as that sounds. I only have 3-ish weeks left here in Panama and I am going to make the very best of it. This has been a remarkable time in my life that once it is done, I know I will look back on with a smile… even if I may not be smiling at this very moment… haha…

Things I learned today…

If you drink an entire bottle of water before bed, you will have to go to the bathroom numerous times in the night.
If you wake up late for breakfast, you don’t get milk for cereal.
If you plan to read the Bible… you should do it.
James 1 “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry” is easier said that done.
If you walk away from your egg on the grill… it won’t be there when you get back.
Living in confined spaces with sick people almost guarantees you will be sick as well.
Grocery shopping for 30 people isn’t as easy as it sounds… it doesn’t even sound easy.
When you think the bus you are on is full…. at least 10 people can be squished on still.
Planet Earth DVD’s can make me so happy.
And my leaders love me.

cookies.prostitutes and grade 6

{a look at Today}…
wake up at 6.
go back to sleep.
wake again at 7:25 {bus into the city comes at 7:30 – this posed a problem today}
stumble out of bed and into clothes.
went to get some breakfast… but the bus was here.
run to catch the bus while team screams for me to hurry.
brief thought crosses mind : what the heck and i doing here?!!?
ride bus for 1 hour…
sit in a park waiting for a ride to the clinic.
waiting.
waiting.
…
waiting.
eat half a sandwich.
get in car.
drive to clinic.
hand out cookies and pray for the women in the clinic while they wait to get checked.
time to leave!
walk to school.
realize our previous plans made for kindergarten will be enjoyed by a grade 6 class.
hang out with the class for 1 hour.
pray.
make new friends with them.
Time to go!
get in a taxi.
go to the mall.
get an blended ice coffee.
get on the bus.
drive ‘home’.
watch hitchhikers guide to the galaxy… mixed feeling about it.
‘So long and thanks for the fish!’
no propane to cook supper.
wait for the lady who lent us her stove to cook dinner.
eat.
here i sit.
getting ready for tomorrow

warning : your ateries may be closing

All I have to say, is that I have developed extremely unhealthy eating habits here in Panama.
Everything is processed and full of carbohydrates.
I forget what a salad looks like… seems more like a distant memory than a reality.
Coffee has replaced water.
looks like I am going to need to go on a diet when i come home… my pants are getting tight.