Be imitators of GOD, therefore as dearly loved children, and live a life of LOVE, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to GOD.

This is the same place I have been for over a week now. I have read the rest of the chapter and even the chapter following… but this is the only thing that has been glued to the front of my mind. I was about to go to bed some nights ago and was really thinking about how to live a life for GOD. Because I have got the ‘talk’ part down. I can turn on my christianese language that I have acquired over the years from going to a private Christian school as well as being brought up in the church and going on many mission trips. I don’t want it to sound like I don’t mean the things I say when I talk about God and the Bible… etc. but the thing that is troubling me is how to make my relationship not only come alive, but to ignite and become a fire.

So… I was sitting there… talking to God and thinking and singing and I was asking God to speak to me. So I sat and I listened. I listened until the silence was overpowering and then I heard ‘Ephesians 5’. Usually when I pray and ask God for a verse my mind kicks in and starts rambling off chunks of passages from Numbers and Leviticus that make no sense and have absolutely no relevance to what I am seeking. So when I actually heard Ephesians 5… I was excited. I reached down and picked up my bible and flipped it open to Ephesians 5 and started reading. I was asking God how to live my life for Him. To show me what it meant. What I had to do to be set apart… and this is what I got. I quickly glanced over the chapter and I felt my stomach drop. It actually hit me what is required.

We are called to be an imitator of God. Which in theory is beautiful and so captivating, how could one not want to do this???

I continued the chapter and literally has goose bumps and felt shaky. I felt like God was personally addressing issues in my life and was telling me it is time to step it up, not to get lazy. Then I thought back to the books I have been reading and the talks I’ve been having with friends, and they all have to do with living for God. And not the church-on-Sunday, 6 months DTS through YWAM and forget it once it’s done kind of Christian, because I know plenty of people like that [I want so desperately to not be one of those people], but the kind that are picking up their cross[and embracing it], forgetting what is behind and pressing on towards the goal. The kind that are pure. The kind that are giving and not greedy. The kind that have no other thing as important to them as God. The followers of Christ that are here in this World, but not taking a part of the desires of the World. Like desire for more money, more sex, more power. It is scarily easy to get caught up in all that.

Anyways… I don’t want this to be long… because I don’t like reading blogs that are ridiculously long and drawn out…

But I will start with this:

To be an imitator of God… we need to live a life of LOVE. So what is LOVE?

I could go to the dictionary and give you their definition, but this one’s a little better that we all know, but seem to have a hard time putting into action.

LOVE is patient.

LOVE is kind.

It does not envy.

It does not boast.

It is not proud.

It is not rude.

It is not self- seeking.

It is not easily angered.

It keeps no record of wrongs.

LOVE does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects.

Always trusts.

Always hopes.

Always preservers.

LOVE.never.fails.

[Thanks for listening to my heart!]

Sometimes… things don’t go as planned

You’d think I would be used to this by now, after being with YWAM in the blessed country of Panama. But, I guess I thought that since I was home [and home is perfect]nothing ever goes wrong…right???
W.R.O.N.G.
As of right now I am sitting and waiting and waiting and waiting… listening to the nice soothing sounds of hold music that may or may not be on the wrong channel because it is abounding with static.
You see… I needed a car. So I went and looked at cars. Then I found a car. And bought it.
Then I went to get insurance… and this is the point I am at. Apparently it takes 2 days to get approval from the insurance company I go through. Which is like…. $50+ cheaper than any other one I am looking at.
So I own a car I am currently unable to drive.
Sad Day!

…and that’s just the tip of the iceburg…

If you could hear my heart, it would cry for freedom.

I have been home for a week. Almost. Close enough. I still have absolutely no concept of time and some pretty odd sleeping habits. My desire to clean during the late hours of the night/early hours of the morning has not been curbed, as I have already cleaned my bathroom at 2 in the morning as well as cleaned my room last night at around midnight. I am a night owl… always have been… pretty sure I will remain the same throughout the entirety of my life. But that my friends, is the way I like it.

I have consumed considerable amounts of coffee and my favorite chai tea as well as eaten a delicious fruity edible arrangement sent with love from my mom in Georgia [enjoyed with help from friends and family of course – although I am sure I could have done it alone given the chance and proper motivation] and also enjoyed a glass of wine or more.

I am enjoying myself.

I still need to find a job…and a car… and a blackberry to love and cherish… but those will come soon [ so if you know of anyone offering any or all of the above… let me know!]

But the most notable thing I have encountered since arriving home would have to be something I found on the news. I am unsure how I missed this while I was gone because I tried to keep up on current news, but it is startling non-the-less. Towards the middle to end of July there was a Human Trafficking bust in Edmonton which is about 1 ½ hours away from here. It involved 3 girls aging from 24-40 who were forced to work in a massage parlor offering a whole lot more than just a massage. Now, I know that this happens in Canada and even in the US. I have been up to my ears in research about this kind of stuff, but this really has hit home for me. And as I found this, I found so many other articles of child pornography and various other sickening things happening right here in my city and those that surround.  I am stirred to take action, but how? I went for coffee with a really close friend and we talked about this as well. We were trying to figure out how we can get involved in ending Human Trafficking and abolishing Modern Day Slavery and what our parts should be. And it was overwhelming. I don’t know why, but this seemed a lot easier when I was in a different country and surrounded by like-minded people. But that is not the case here… I am by myself and in my own city. But something needs to be done and there are people who I know without a doubt will take this stand with me.  So thus begins my being home and staying involved in what the heart of Voice for the Voiceless stands for. Speaking up for those that have no voice… being a voice for the voiceless. Freeing the Captives and doing it all in the name of LOVE.

Isaiah 43

‘Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
You are Mine;
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
it won’t be a dead end -
Because I am God, you’re personal God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you
…
That’s how much you mean to me,
That’s how much I love you!
I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation to get you back.
So don’t be afraid; I’m with you.
…
I want them back, every last one who bears my name,
every man, woman, and child
Whom I created for my glory,
yes, personally formed and made each one.’

Who I Am

[I wrote this sometime in my first years of High School for my Bible Study group. I just came across it and thought it was encouraging and deserved sharing]

I am a child of God. Fearfully and wonderfully made.
I will never be along. My Father’s hand watches over me constantly.
I am a woman of Destiny
I am a Warrior
I am a Princess; a Daughter of the High King
I am wanted, sought after, and needed
I am not, but I know I AM
I am free, never to be bound
I am blessed
I am beautiful, created for a purpose far greater than the imagination of my mind
I am loved, therefore I will be love
I will recognize my value
I will be like a child
I will practice what I preach
I will walk straight with my head held high
I will die to myself
I will fight with a strength that is not my own
I will remain pure, untainted by the world
I will learn the value of silence
I will proclaim boldly the message of Love

“There’s nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.”[Sangster]

Here I sit. At home. In my room.With my stuff. I am alone and it feels weird. I keep expecting to hear Cale’s loud voice booming from down the hall, or Rachel’s laugh lighting up the room… but instead, I sit in my room on my bed listening to ‘The New Pornographers’ sing ‘Here’s the Mutiny I Promised You.’

It’s weird, and yet completely normal. Kind of. The only difference from when I left is that my mother lives in another country and I now live in the basement of my grandparents home. Which is quite a big difference and is taking a bit to wrap my mind around. Non-the-less. Red Deer is home and it feels good to be back. Slowly I am beginning to reconnect with family and friends and my schedule is steadily becoming booked solid as time progresses. As of now… no job for me. This is my time to relax and seek what will come next. The job can come later and I have a few ideas of what that could mean. I have decided that I am going to continue writing blogs… cause I am just that important!!

I am grateful to be done traveling and not have to look at an airport for a while yet. But I know I will be back on plane soon enough because the travel bug has attacked and I won’t be stationary for too long.

I really miss my PhotogenX Ohana. I knew it would be like this but I am amazed at how close I became to these beautiful friends of mine. We all grew to know and have a deep understanding of each other and how we ‘worked’ … and inevitably what made us tick… and how to avoid a blow-up.  So to all of my PhotogenX Family around the globe – Thank you! I will carry you in my heart and hope to see you soon. The world became a lot smaller to me and I have no doubt that I will be exploring it in the years to come. There is beauty in everyone and everything and I am full of a desire to discover that beauty, capture it with my camera, and help those who cannot see to acknowledge their own beauty. The next steps for me will definitely be intentional and I will take the time to seek God and see which direction to head towards… but I am going to take it easy and not rush anything.

Here is a photo taken on the very last day of the school, these are the people I grew to love and can’t wait to see where life leads them. They are all absolutely beautiful and I don’t want to think about life without them:

I am home!

I’M COMING HOME TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!
[But won't be there until Saturday!!!]

in case you were wondering…

This is what my past week has looked like:
Wednesday- P.A.C.K. all belongings back into suitcase. fingers crossed they are under the weight restrictions. try to sleep. can’t. wander around Gamboa Union Church until 2:30am… sleep until 4 am…
Thursday: Leave for Panama Airport at 4:30am… go through customs. Last thing said to me in Panama by a male: you are soooo beautiful…. say thank you and walk away. eat subway. board plane. sit by a lady and her daughter that don’t speak english and have never been on a plane. try to tell them it will be all right… we had 2 hours of turbulence…land in Miami – go on frantic search for Starbucks. Drink Starbucks. LOVE STARBUCKS! wait in airport until flight to…L.O.N.D.O.N!! board plane… watch 3 episodes of How I Met Your Mother. 2 Episodes of Friends. Simpsons. A Documentary on Meercats {very interesting} Watched the Hangover and some movie with Colin Firth who I LOVE and Jessica Beil… it was good.
Friday: Land in L.O.N.D.O.N!!! after hours of being in airports we make a break for it and explore the city. Apparently I have a knack for getting around. Easily Maneuvered the Underground.Paddington Station.London Eye.London Bridge.Big Ben.Westminster [abbey].Fish.and.Chips in an adorable Pub.STARBUCKS[X2]. Buckingham Palace. More Buildings and stuff. Pickadilly Square and St.James Park. Funny Police men. Back to airport [starbucks in hand] realize we have no slept in over 50 hours. Board Plane to South Africa. make new friends. watch 4 Episodes of Flight of the Concords. Listen to Paolo Nutini’s new album. Watch Genova and The Knowing. S.L.E.E.P.
by now i have lost track of time:
arrive in south africa – greeted by beautiful friends barring bouquets of lillies and a zebra crafted out of beads and wire… drive to base. go to a baptism on the beach. eat lunch. watch a movie… fall asleep. have a warm shower. eat supper. go to bed…. loud awakening at 2am from late arrivals on the team… go back to bed. wake up early and head to Simonstown for coffee and a gander at the penguins…. wander around Muisenburg pack to head to conference.
go to conference.
there are a lot of people here.
overload and a little bit of jet lag.
here i sit… almost time to go home.
where did the last 6 months go???

Dear Panama

Dear Panama,
We have been together for over 2 months now and I have come to realize we can’t do this anymore. I am leaving you. Don’t think this has anything to do with you. Given different circumstances, I am sure we would have been great together. You have such beauty and your History is captivating. I will never regret the times we spent together cramming far to many people on a bus or taxi, or in the various coffee shops you took me to. Your people are beautiful and I have taken a piece of them to hold in my heart forever. I love all the color you have in your life and we can all learn a little from you to apply to all our lives.
I know we went through some difficult times, but those will soon be forgotten and I will look fondly upon the time we had. At first I was a little guarded because I was scared of what you were going to show me and where you were going to take me. You definitely do things differently than what I am used to, but I trust you now. I was intimidated by your beauty and yet so undeniably enthralled in it at the same time. I love your smile and how beautiful you sound when you speak. I wish so badly we could have gotten to know each other better. Thank you for opening up to me letting me see your heart, for letting me capture your beauty but not mask the pain that is still here. A lot of work still needs to be done, and unfortunately, I can’t help you anymore. You will be in my prayers and I know you will figure things out. You are small and yet so strong. Something so much bigger than the both of us brought us together for this time and for that I am so thankful. I learned so much from you. I will share your beauty with those I know, you will be in their prayers as well.
Don’t worry about me. I will be fine. I am going to spend some time with my friend Africa while I figure things out. She has gone through a lot and I am going to see if maybe she needs my help for a bit. As we both know though, my heart is with Canada and I will inevitably go back.
I hope we can still be friends and I expect updates on how you are.
Take care of yourself. I will miss you.
Love,
Brittany.